Ramblings

My mind has been so kalat these days. i've been having quite a bit of financial problem lately which i think are brought about by the typhoon milenyo and the 6 day-brownout that ensued. Its been difficult and what keeps me going is the thought that I went through so much worse before and God didn't forsake me. But still, I keep wondering when will I ever be able to breathe a sigh of relief and not worry so much about everything or anything. But being the regular worry wart that I am, I dont see that day coming, well not in the near future.

I just started going on duty on different hospitals around metro manila. I feel so incompetent sometimes I wonder if I ever will be good at being a nurse. I know I'm a competent optometrist (ahem...heee) but will I be a good nurse in the future? Is the decision to go into nursing at this point in my life a wise choice? What if i graduate and then not make it through the NCLEX? What if it was just a waste of 2 years and my bro-in-law's money? what if, what if? See...I told ya...Im a worry wart.

I feel like I just cant talk to anyone or even blog about anything because I dont want to expose too much of what I'm feeling to everyone. I dont want to hear about i-told-you-sos even if i know they are all well-meant. It just adds to the current confusion I'm going through.

Lately, my SO's constant calls and text msgs has been bugging me a lot. I feel that it isnt necessary for him to ask me how I'm doing, what I'm doing, where I am, etc, etc all the time. I especially hate it when he calls with nothing really important to tell me. He tells me where he's going, what he will be doing for the next hour or so without me asking about them. I've taken to turning my cellphone off when I'm out just so he won't be able to reach me. I feel like I always have to have an explanation why I'm here or there, why I'm not home yet, why I'm with this or that person, even of he isn't asking for one. Nakakasawa na. I'm bad, I know. But I can't just tell him to stop. I know he thinks its sweet, but I just feel so constricted.

All these things depress the heck out of me and I dont know how to cure it. Shopping just doesnt cut it anymore. I havent shopped for 2 months! I think Im cured of shopping addiction. If only for that, a mini-wave for me! whoo!