Take a deep breath...

By now i should have gotten used to this. But I just can't. I'm sorry I'm only human...but GRRRRR!!

I know most of them mean well, and some are just plain nosy, but why do some people think the key to one's happiness is getting married? and having kids for that matter. Someone even said, "Oh poor you! What will happen to you when you get old! And you're like...how old now?"
Ugh.

I just stood there with this plastered smile on my face when what I wanted to do was slap her. It's like the world's greatest mystery why I'm not married yet.

This afternoon, another patient of mine asked me again the $64,000 question and then read my palm to see if I'll get married in the future! Of course I can't be rude to her coz she's my patient. She even asked if anyone is courting me, I just said yes and didn't tell her anymore that I have a boyfiend..blah, blah, because I wanted to end the conversation right then, but NOOOO she added that most guys who like me are either a) widowers b) married c) annuled because it is WRITTEN there in my palms. I swear, I had to grit my teeth and take deep breaths to control myself.

I'm really running out of answers to that question. I've tried polite, rude, witty, silly answers to no avail, the question just keeps popping up.

Good thing my family and close friends never put me in such a position. They never questioned me about my choices in life, and are very supportive about it. Although I honestly think that they sometimes worry about it.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to get married someday, but it's my business when it's going to be. and of course my husband-to-be's. Whoever he may be.

Is it December yet?

I saw an old "friend" while strolling along Podium last Sunday. The last time I saw him was more than 3 years go, and before that, more than 10 years ago. He's one of those that would fall under the "what could have been" category , if you know what I mean. Funny, after years of wishing, and hoping and dreaming I'd run into him again, when it happened, it was like...wala lang. I almost didn't recognize him. He greeted me first and it took me a couple of seconds to respond. He was with his wife and I was with SO (who was at the gym at the time so he was not able to meet him). He said he'd keep in touch. We still have each other's cellphone numbers. I never erased him from my phonebook.

I had dinner with SO's family last night. It was his parents wedding anniversary. I didn't see them for more than a year. I was kinda feeling my way around them again, more like meet
the'rents part two. I'm sure they were aware of what happened last year, but tactfully didn't ask questions about it. His folks are nice people. Specially his mom. I hope he could be more like her.

When will it start getting cold? This is not December weather. I have unearthed all my jackets and they are al waiting to be worn. Plus a couple I recently bought...Hee..

Our house is devoid of any Christmas trimmings. I refuse to put up a tree or put up lights on the terrace because doing so would mean I'd be the one to take them off after the holidays are over. NOT. It's times like these that I miss having a maid around. But I must. stand. by. my. Decision. Now I have nowhere to put my Christmas gifts.

Shopaholics Anonymous

I tried to stop, but I just can't. I have a serious shopping problem, sometimes I think it's not funny anymore. Just this afternoon, I was at Zara over in Rockwell and it took all of my almost non-existent self-control not to buy this most gorgeous pair of boots. It's slouchy, black suede with the zipper at the back. And just what like Monica said in Friends, "It's a great investment because it goes well with everything!" But sadly, I had to let it go. Because aside from the fact that I can't wear it often here in, hello, Manila, I'm afraid it's going to "kill me! One toe at a time!"

I still bought a skirt anyway. Haha! It's on sale, what can I say?
But seriously, I really have to stop, or I'll shop myself poor one day.
I think I do it just to relieve the loneliness I feel most of the time. Oh well, excuses, excuses. Hee..
It really does make me happy, for a time. Until I get my credit card bills. Blech.

I think I'm in the wrong career. I would love, love, love to be a fasion buyer or a professional shopper. But it would be too late to switch now, anyway.

For now I'll try my best to stop. Good luck to me.

I still haven't found the perfect pair of jeans though.

Lonely, I try not to be

I'm really having a hard time getting into the spirit of the season.
Well, for starters, the weather ain't much help. I can't remember a December this warm! It feels like its summer. Are we in Australia or somewhere?
The past few years, I've never been really happy come Christmas season. It all started when my mother died, then my father got very sick, then died a couple of years later. Honestly, it depresses the heck out of me. I associate Christmas with all the stress that comes with it--the traffic, the frenetic shopping, the gastos and whatnot. And then, there's the loneliness. I know I'm not really alone, I have my sibs and my friends and my SO, but I just feel so LONELY come Christmas time.
Last year was one of the worst. I was even sick Christmas day.
I keep thinking about the past Christmas, when I was young. How my sisters used to tell me to sleep early Christmas eve so I would be awake during noche buena to open my gifts. Of course I could hardly keep my eyes shut, always on the lookout for someone who would stuff my socks with the things I wished for. I remember getting so mad at someone, I think it was an aunt, who told my 4-yr-old self that it was actually my eldest sister who stuffed my socks with toys and candies. Oh, how I hated that aunt then!
And then my family's noisy, happy noche buena.
I miss my mother, and how she would be happy with all the gifts she'd receive. She's the sweetest person you'd ever give a gift to. Big or small, cheap or expensive, she'd treasure them all.
I miss my father, who's the exact opposite of my mother. He'd closely examine every gift, and sometimes would scoff and say, "hmm..hindi naman original!" Hahaha! But of course he was only kidding when he'd say that.
Times were simpler then.
I honestly don't know what would make me happy.
But I treasure all my blessings, big or small. God has always been good to me.
If only for that, I'd try my darndest best to be happy this Christmas time.

I love you all, you know who you are.

hello

hello...
hello...

aherm...hi, im aileen and i'm new at this. my friends have tried to convince me for the longest time. i was hesitant at first, being the moron that i am about anything that's related to the pc. my pc's sole purpose is for emailing and chatting with friends from time to time. plus reading other people's journals...hehehe...i know, it's such a guilty pleasure. And, what will i write about? i'm one of those people who has the blah-est life you'll ever know.

as for my blog's title, that's just how i feel these days....sad but true.

anyhoo, i just hope i can make this blogging thing work. in my younger years, i've always tried maintaining a journal, only to forget about it after a few months. i could just show you my past diaries, not one of them lasted a year.

maybe it will work this time...hmm?