Lonely, I try not to be

I'm really having a hard time getting into the spirit of the season.
Well, for starters, the weather ain't much help. I can't remember a December this warm! It feels like its summer. Are we in Australia or somewhere?
The past few years, I've never been really happy come Christmas season. It all started when my mother died, then my father got very sick, then died a couple of years later. Honestly, it depresses the heck out of me. I associate Christmas with all the stress that comes with it--the traffic, the frenetic shopping, the gastos and whatnot. And then, there's the loneliness. I know I'm not really alone, I have my sibs and my friends and my SO, but I just feel so LONELY come Christmas time.
Last year was one of the worst. I was even sick Christmas day.
I keep thinking about the past Christmas, when I was young. How my sisters used to tell me to sleep early Christmas eve so I would be awake during noche buena to open my gifts. Of course I could hardly keep my eyes shut, always on the lookout for someone who would stuff my socks with the things I wished for. I remember getting so mad at someone, I think it was an aunt, who told my 4-yr-old self that it was actually my eldest sister who stuffed my socks with toys and candies. Oh, how I hated that aunt then!
And then my family's noisy, happy noche buena.
I miss my mother, and how she would be happy with all the gifts she'd receive. She's the sweetest person you'd ever give a gift to. Big or small, cheap or expensive, she'd treasure them all.
I miss my father, who's the exact opposite of my mother. He'd closely examine every gift, and sometimes would scoff and say, "hmm..hindi naman original!" Hahaha! But of course he was only kidding when he'd say that.
Times were simpler then.
I honestly don't know what would make me happy.
But I treasure all my blessings, big or small. God has always been good to me.
If only for that, I'd try my darndest best to be happy this Christmas time.

I love you all, you know who you are.